February 2011
1 post
Me: At time I'd prefer not to be rescued.
Jordan: Explain.
Me: Just... maybe the way I see the world... maybe it's acceptable. At times I think I want someone to come along and bring me down to Earth instead of living way up in the clouds. Perhaps I like the view from here.
Jordan: I like the view way more. It's just where in the clouds I want to be that I haven't decided yet. Fuck dry land.
Me: The sky is infinite. You're free to move anywhere & everywhere. No obstructions.
Jordan: Well there are planes, birds, clouds, and tornadoes.
Me: All of which defy gravity.
January 2011
7 posts
Me: I miss you. Make your way back into my life.
Jordan: Are you quoting something?
Me: No.
Jordan: Oh. Alright.
Me: Sorry. It's just. Things have been moving so fast. I can't pull everything along with me. Please. Don't let me leave you behind.
Jordan: Don't feel like you have to pull me along with you. You could never leave me behind. I'm always following you. Even when you're not looking back.
Anonymous asked: i think your blogs are awesome mate and youre gay and youre hot makes it so much better haha
obsceneandtasteless asked: I love your writing. And I have a small crush on you through Tumblr. That's new. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I love your blog. And you're very cute. And very inspiring. And I hope you know that :) Thanks for adding a new flare to my dashboard.
Anonymous asked: where are you from??
followteenage-infancy-deactivat asked: Truly inspiring. Honestly, I feel like I've read these things, like I've experienced these conversations you have with your friend. It's kind of amazing to me how I reach a point to where I feel like no one will impact me, and that no one will stand out from this whole tumblr phenomenon. You have left me with thoughts, just thoughts. That rarely happens with me, and I hope to read...
andyxroo-deactivated20110115 asked: "Him: You have all of these secrets. There's me, there's your Internet life. There's things you do that most of your friends don't know about. Then you have your open social life. Who are you really? When will I meet the real you?
Me: I... really don't know anymore."
Does it ever bother you? I was there once... To be honest I'm still...
Me: I... really don't know anymore."
Does it ever bother you? I was there once... To be honest I'm still...
Anonymous asked: do you think love really exists? or is infatuation the only part we really experience and paint it with the word love? I feel that you'd have an interesting response.
December 2010
5 posts
Him: You have all of these secrets. There's me, there's your Internet life. There's things you do that most of your friends don't know about. Then you have your open social life. Who are you really? When will I meet the real you?
Me: I... really don't know anymore.
I went to this guys' calling hours today,
& I had this really strange feeling. Seeing the man’s body in the casket… I started to think. At one point, he was a baby. Then he grew to a boy, then teenager, then a man. Now… he’s an old man. Well, he was. Now in the casket lies a body. It no longer has a name. Just a body. Everything people remember from him, is now gone. His soul went elsewhere. Heaven? Hell?...
stuckinab0x asked: i just fell in love. you're writing is beautiful. you should really consider becoming a writer cause i would definately buy your book. the style you use makes me so intreged (sp?) to read. you seem to have a lot on your mind and tumblr is the perfect place for it. i can't expresss the love for this blog but i will keep reading and i hope you keeep writing :)
Me: I've always known that people will judge you and the decisions you make. Recently I've noticed that they may judge, yes. But there is no way in hell they'll have any idea what they're talking about if they don't live a day in your shoes.
Jordan: The absence of knowledge we have of reality.
Me: I wouldn't have it any other way. Knowing too much can be dangerous. Or it deprives you of making mistakes.
About a year ago, ask me if I was afraid of dying?
I most likely would’ve said no. I probably would have told you that it’s just a part of life, and it’s bound to happen to everyone, so why fear it? I probably would’ve said that things happen and it’s inevitable.
Ask me today, am I afraid of dying? Yes, I am. It’s so much dying that fears me… it’s not living my life. For the longest time now,...
tiffanieee asked: I like the way you think and write, it's really interesting and deep. I like to read things that are thought-provoking, and I think your "simple diary" is really refreshing to read. I wish I could come up with better words to tell you how much I like your blog other than the fact that it's interesting, but I really am not much of a writer. And that's the only way I can...
forty5daystory asked: I could read this all day.
November 2010
11 posts
miniskull-deactivated20110325 asked: Your friend Jordan seems to be a very mature and thoughtful girl. I hope she lives a great live, and I think she will.
Jordan: From my AP English reading packet talking about cyber bullying: "These sites, which are growing in number, invite students to identify individuals by unflattering characteristics, such as the most obese person at their school, the boys who are most likely to be gay, and the girls who have slept with the most boys. The predictable consequences for students who have been subjected to this shameful treatment are depression, hopelessness, and withdrawal." HEY I FUCKING HATE SOCIETY. Just thought I'd let you know.
Me: I wish people did more research before opening their mouths.
Jordan: Mhm.
Me: People online only get bullied if they let themselves be.
Jordan: Exactly. Or if they ask for it like attention seeking little whores.
Me: People just think they know everything.
Jordan: Mhm.
justanelephantchild asked: you touch my heart
For the longest time throughout my life I’ve always wanted to be that kid who has a lot of friends. I wanted to be liked by everyone and have them all know who I am. Lately I’ve realized that that is not me, at all. I’m a loner, and I have very few real friends. I have people I talk to just to pass time, but when it comes down to it, I live in the shadows. It may all be in my...
I have fallen so hard for you.
sleeplessnightsfd-deactivated20 asked: i could spend my life reading this<3
Anonymous asked: wait.... who's jordan?
Me: It's a shame of how much of human life is wasted waiting.
Jordan: It really is. What are we really supposed to get out of all this teenage conformity and "education"? Training ourselves to memorize useless information for a short amount of time. Most of us don't even survive on the inside. Society is creating masses of empty-hearted robotic people with brains full of nonsense.
Me: They teach us in order to exercise our brains so we can be smarter. We learn more about life and the meaning behind it all by rebelling and fucking up. In the end, what does it all matter?
Jordan: Yeah, I agree. But does it matter? Does anything matter? I like to argue that it does, because if it doesn't... what the hell is the point of all this?
Me: You're finally seeing what I see. It doesn't matter. We live and we die. It doesn't matter what we learn or interpret throughout our years... unless there's something greater for us waiting when we die.
Jordan: Maybe the feeling of knowing that you are where you are. I tried to tell you that with the whole "Heaven is a place in your mind blah blah" haha. What I've been thinking... is maybe the ignorant people really lead the best lives. Since ignorance is bliss, and if nothing matters, happy is the best way to be.
Me: They're the happiest people I see on a daily basis. Not giving a fuck, solely because they can't.
“He’s really that smart, that he’s seen as crazy. You talk to him and...”
– My brother, Jon
October 2010
9 posts
Remember that thing we used to call ourselves?
Best friends I believe it was? I remember. I remember the hours spent making pointless plans about our future. How once one of us got our license, we’d take random road trips every weekend. How we’d graduate High School and still talk every single day. I remember you told me not to forget you once college comes along and we won’t be able to talk every day. I remember spending...
Jordan: This kid was talking to me and he said the name of a kid I knew in 3rd grade. & he kept talking and for a second I wondered if everything was just made up. Everything was just a pot of soup in my head. Like Spongebob's mind, with all the file cabinets. This life is just a dream. My mind makes up people and places and feeling to teach me and change me and get me closer to the ideal mindset. But none of it's real.
Me: What happens when we wake up?
Jordan: I don't know. Maybe when we wake up we're in Horton's world. The elephant carrying the spec.
Me: Or we're all in Hell. We've gotten so used to the pitch black, that our vision of imagination has gotten so good, that it feels like real life. Right now, I'm sitting on the floor of Hell, but I'm imagining myself at my sister's soccer game.
There was a fight today in school.
Two Freshman girls. I was walking down the hall and I hear screaming coming from the bathroom. I walk by to see what it is, and a girl is laying on the ground as another girl is kicking her in the face. Teachers came by to stop it. I felt so bad. I hate fights. The girl who was on the ground was sobbing while running out of the bathrooms with a teacher, and her mouth was so bloody. I hate it, so...
"What wishes did you make while you were young,...
(English question of the day)
I wish I could’ve went to Hogwarts.
I wished I could be in a rock band.
I wished I could be forever young.
I wished for the perfect life.
What did I learn from it?
“Reality is only defined by what you believe.”
-Jordan
I've never been able to explain this quite well.
When people complain about how bad the world is today, and how it’s depressing, I have to disagree. Yes, we’re at war, yes, people kill other people, & yes, there’s poverty/hunger/despair. But look at the world when Ancient Egyptians walked the land. They would make it public, sacrificing a human life for a god. In the Medieval Times, the whole city would get together to...
I didn't wear purple today, & now I wish I had.
Me: I didn't wear purple today.
Jordan: Why not?
Me: What's this day for? Wearing purple for the kids who committed suicide for being gay? What makes them so special? I mean, they're always fighting equality, but they get an entire day dedicated to them. I'm all for gay rights and such, but people commit suicide every day. For being fat, being weird, being ugly... Why not wear yellow tomorrow for people who took their life because they were overweight?
Jordan: I don't think that's true at all. I think because gay marriage is illegal, it sends a message to our society that homophobia is tolerated, and even legal. And the consequences are obviously dramatic. Imagine how many kids around the world feel like there is no way out other than death, just because they're gay. Just because society tells them it's not okay to be themselves. That's nothing you can change, like being fat or depressed.
Me: What if you don't believe in anything?
Jordan: Maybe reality is in reality, defined by what you believe. If you don't believe in anything, nothing happens. If you're a Christian, then you go to Heaven by your standards. If you're a Satanist, you go to Hell. & if you believe in an afterlife with 47 virgins, you go there.
Jordan: Can you imagine the world, if people were as beautiful on the outside as they were on this inside?
Me: Yeah, we'd have some ugly looking people walking this earth.
Jordan: You're right. Dirty little bitches.
I'm starting this blog for one reason.
It’s a diary. All the twisted thoughts I think, all the things in this world I realize, and the conversations I have with people, that stick with me. This blog will contain strictly writing.